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Sex can be dangerous, even deadly if your partner has plans to eat you. When the male orb-web spider has its first, and sometimes last, sexual encounter it has a trick up its sleeve: detachable genitalia which keep pumping even after their owner's moved on. The orb-web spider Nephilengys malabarensis is sexually cannibalistic and the male has detachable genitals. These spiders have at most two chances to mate: They have a pair of sperm-transferring organs, actually called their "palps" but analogous to a penis, which detach from their bodies when they disengage from mating — either when the female pushes them away and possibly eats them or they successfully run away to risk death another day. For spiders this breakage of male’s sperm-transferring organ is common, says researcher Daiquin Li, of the University of Singapore, but it's usually just the tip. "However, some spider species exhibit extreme genital mutilation or the 'eunuch phenomenon,' where males castrate their entire pedipalp(s) during copulation," Li, author of a new study on this process, told LiveScience.
I fucking hate spiders. Completely vile creepy ass arachnid scum. I assume every spider is a raging poisonous kamikaze with the sole purpose of running as close to my eyeballs as possible. With that said, not gonna show any hatred toward the male orb spider here. As if shooting silly string out your ass all day just to be able to eat a moth or two wasn't bad enough. Now Science is telling you that the only time you may ever get to have sex will end with you literally running for your life BUT you'll shave half a second off your 40 time cause your johnson will no longer be attached to slow you down. So ya got that going for ya, which is nice.
But hey, I feel ya orb-webbers. We've all been there. Like a starved squirrel in the middle of February, anything for that nut. Just doing terrible things for a piece of that eight-legged ass. And you know popping in there as a first timer poor little guy stands no chance. 20 seconds of full on primal spidey sex and psssssssssssshhhhhoooooooo cobwebs everywhere. Smell ya later spider cock.
"Hey babe...babe wait. I just...I mean, I know I'm not your first but...ho-how many dicks have you eaten?"
"..."
"No. Ok. You don't have to tell me."
"..."
"...But...mines the biggest?"
"..."
"Top 5...10?"
"...eh"
"Fuck it...Can I at least try it from behind?"
"..."
PS How great is Daiquin Li's line "For spiders this breakage of male’s sperm-transferring organ is common but it's usually just the tip." There are a bout a billion Daiquin Lis in China/Asia so I don't know whether to high five this bro or marry this broad. Either way NOTHING was lost in translation.
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