LACEY TOWNSHIP, N.J. (AP) – People use all sorts of ways to try to predict the winner of the Super Bowl: comparing regular season records, judging who looked stronger in the post-season run-up to the big game, or watching the betting lines from Las Vegas oddsmakers.
But the closest thing to a sure thing may come from a camel in New Jersey. Princess, the star of New Jersey's Popcorn Park Zoo, has correctly picked the winner of five of the last six Super Bowls. She went 14 and 6 predicting regular season and playoff games this year, and has a lifetime record of 88-51.Her pick this year: The New York Giants.The Bactrian camel's prognostication skills flow from her love of graham crackers. Zoo general manager John Bergmann places a cracker and writes the name of the competing teams on each hand. Whichever hand Princess nibbles from is her pick. On Wednesday, she made her pick with no hesitation at all, predicting bad news for Bill Belichick, Tom Brady and the New England Patriots, even though the Las Vegas oddsmakers have New England favored by about 3 points.
Her only miscue in the big game was picking the Indianapolis Colts over the New Orleans Saints two years ago, indicating that even camels know it's generally risky to go against Peyton Manning.
"It started out when a local radio station was looking to have some fun, so they asked Princess who was going to win a particular game each week, and it just took off from there," Bergmann said. "Now we have guys calling up on Sunday morning wanting to know who Princess has picked that week. One guy even asked if she does lottery numbers."Her best season was 2008, when she got 17 out of 22 games right, including correctly picking the Pittsburgh Steelers to win the Super Bowl.
Princess doesn't do point spreads. But she has nearly mastered the art of picking straight-up winners.
The cunning camel was once the personal pet of heiress Doris Duke, the only child of tobacco and electric energy tycoon James Buchanan Duke.
Doris Duke raised Princess and her sister Babe from youngsters, Bergmann said.
The pair of camels had their own barn, and spent summers at Duke's Rhode Island estate. During bad weather, they were put up in the solarium.
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Well ya heard it here first folks. Giants straight-up. Eli Mouthbreathing Manning solidifies his Trent Dilfer proclaimed "Instant Hall-Of-Fame" status and that's coming from an 'expert'. My guess is Brady and Bill won't even bother showing up. At least the Puppy Bowl is on at 3. Fucking Princess the crown jewel of the Popcorn Park.
Now don't get me wrong 14 and 6 is a stellar year, humps or not. Granted it's a bit easier when the spread ain't involved. But when it comes to superstitions, you better believe I do my part: switching up seats when things are looking bad, holding beers in the same hand, rally caps, lucky socks, playoff beards the fucking works. Anything to get that extra edge. But Princess, if that's even your real name, I'm not fucking buying it. First off, The camel is a homer. Goddamn Zoo is in fucking New Jersey like 80 miles south of the city. Second, of course she's gonna eat the GIANT cracker. She's a motherfucking camel. They eat, sleep and spit. period. Occasionally trek through the Saharra or some shit. She's gonna chomp that oversized cookie like there's no tomorrow. Spitting all over everything. We all know nobody puts Tom Brady in their mouth and doesn't swallow. Now I don't have the figures in front of me at the moment, but I don't know that The NJ Zoo Tourism can battle that kind of negative PR. No shit they can't be going public with the news the Giants are about to get Wolly Womped by the likes of Welkah and Grawnk. And finally, if there was any chance that this camel's diet had any chance of influencing the actual game, do you really think Belichick would risk being in Indy and not using his Jedi Mind tricks to force the hand that feeds to give Princess the proper Patriot portion of cracker? Fuck nah. No chance fellas. In spite of Princess, Pats win the game. Don't know if I'd touch the spread though.
This blog contains 0 camel toe jokes, your welcome.
1 comment:
Groundhog's day is tomorrow, dude. The animals know they're in charge and we have no idea what's going on. This kind of ridiculousness isn't isolated.
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